August already ....

So hard to believe that July is coming to an end and August is here ... where has the time gone ? In between the every day hustle of our routines and surprises ..I often lose track of time. When I used to work full time ( and then some ) I was always sure of which day it was and what the date is. Honestly there are days that I have no idea now. All the hours and moments and endless driving some short person somewhere sort of blend the days together and gets confusing after awhile...

I am ready for August I think. There are a lot of things going on this month..changes, things to do, trips ...sigh, a lot to accomplish in 31 days.
So to start it off tomorrow we are off to seabreeze. It is supposed to be a steller day and the kids are ready to ride a roller coaster or two...should be interesting with the baby { long drive and all }... so we will see how it goes. The kids are excited and already fast asleep...and I hope not to be too far behind them.
Little quick prayers that the little hairy guy stays asleep for awhile yet :)

Serendipity

...Shall be the word of the day ...despite the pouring rain and complete chaos that will be taking place around here very soon ... Just taking a few moments to enjoy the silence, have a little coffee and catch up on some blog reading.... ready - set- GO!!

Oh the places you will go ....

...Today was awesome:)
After the dreaded { words of Sophia } Drama Camp ... we all headed out to the lake. Picnic lunch items in tow along with my plethora of bags and must haves for the afternoon. Could the day have been any more perfect ? A real summer day...with sunshine, blue skies and water. Totally perfect.
The kids were pumped and ready for some R&R ... even Silas enjoyed the sand ( briefly) and the breeze. He actually took a 30 minute nap in the stroller ... that was a nice break for me and my arms:)
So we played and splashed and laughed. The kids chased and fed seagulls .... then we were stuck with them for awhile....I am the biggest bird phobe. I don't want any bird big or small flying near me or any window I might be around. Gives me goosebumps just thinking about it.
So it was fun. We then packed up came home and everyone had to shower...Ana to go home-Jakob to karate and Sophia to dance. I didn't get that far ... always last in line when it comes to that;) So everyone is pooped out. Silas is finally asleep { for the moment} and the kids are all settled in...
Just taking a little me time for a few ... feels pretty good if I say so myself.

Sunshine :)

So happy to have this perfect day to go play in the sun :)
All packed up and ready to hit the lake ...hopeful for a relaxing afternoon with the kids and a few friends ...keeping my fingers crossed

Rollercoaster

Today was a busy one ... actually everyday seems to get more chaotic and busy around here. Rushing off to Drama Camp then to Syracuse for Sophia's specialist appointment...all of us:D Then back home to feed the baby ... who was very impatient and quite upset over such a long afternoon drive. Then too start the girls self titled scrapbooking club ... which should actually be called " lets make a HUGE mess ". Six Girls ... Jakob and a very grumpy Silas is enough to send one over the edge. So eventually the crowds dispersed and Sophia left for a sleep over ... and things began to wind down. Whew...This fishbowl is just not big enough for so much action.
...What I would not give for a gallon of wine at this point;)

Sophia's appointment went fair I guess ... Big day in September for her Endoscopy/Colonoscopy. Hopefully we will get to the bottom of her tummy troubles and move past it. She was very brave and asked alot of questions ... hopefully that wont wear off over the next six weeks. I am sure there will some anxiety within all of us.
Sophia explained all the details to her girlfriends today as they worked on their books. She remembered everything the doctor told her. Some of her pronunciations were off and cute. Made me giggle a bit...as did her friends when she talked candidly about having a "camera" in her butt.
....Of course as a mom we have to be very strong and not let any nervous feeling show. Like concerns over the anesthesia or the outcome ... But I am confident all will be good and will try to stay brave like Sophie.
I am very proud of you Sophia - you did such a good job today. You Rock:)
I love you :)

just because

Trees need hugs too .... so what if there is a big gross Locust on it :)

Lovies

I just love spending my days with you :) :)

Toes in the grass

Every day we all go out on a little adventure ... It is quite the entourage really and involves many bags and snacks and bottles of water. Then there are the numerous bathroom stops and locating moments and not to mention a few girly arguments that cause me to almost yell out " Do you want me to pull over ?"
We have Sophia's friend Ana for the summer and on occasion she invites a few more. There are days that I am convinced that somewhere on this journey to exhaust them ... I have completely lost my mind.
And quite honestly the only one exhausted it yours truly...AKA, the Senior Citizen.
Poor Jakob is out numbered and lets it be known how annoying it all really is.
And Silas ... well , he truly hates the car ride and tends to scream the entire time.
So Imagine driving a van full of children...several of them spatting about who touched whose leg first. Loud baby screams for what seems like an eternity while Green Day is bellowing out of the speakers while Jakob explains to me why Japanese Cartoons are much better than American ones...
So today we went to the park. I had attempted to take the crew to this really huge cool wooden wonderland in New Hartford while we were there ... but the entire place was wrapped in orange construction fencing.. that was fun to explain.
So we came home had lunch and went to a local park. I used to take Jake and Sophia there when they were both Silas's age .... lots of flashbacks :)The only thing missing were the Dandelion Fields as the grass had just been mowed. I always took pictures of the kids in the fields every summer as they grew .. those are my favorite pictures of them :)
So I found a little patch of simple yellow flowers and took some pictures of Silas ...I just love the simpleness of his feet in the background. Kind of up in the air while he tries to figure everything out. So sweet ... Until he decided he hated the grass and let loose his lungs:) It was very sweet while it lasted though...glad I had the camera :)

Unbelievable

Silas is fast asleep and has been since 8:30.
I have tried everything to fall asleep too ... yet I am awake STILL at one am.
Fisher is eying the couch..I have watched way too much showtime..Sophia is snoring with her little mouth wide open ..and Jake finally gave into sleeping himself and let Mortal combat go for a little while ...
Sigh...
It's going to be a long day to tomorrow;)

Upside Down

Remember the days when you could just hang like this for what seemed like forever ?
Ahhh to be Eight again. So full of energy and funny kid wisdom...Rarely tired or running out of things to say. The world is so big and kind at this age ... innocence is the rage although it is obvious that there is a teenager brewing in that cute pony-tailed head :) Not a day goes by that Sophia does not surprise me or shock me with something. She is sweet and kind ... yet a diva who has a tendency to sport a temper too. Her humor is original and we laugh a lot.. she never ceases to make me smile..
In hip hop class this past Thursday she was grooving all freestyle with her class. I was watching her crump it at about 550 MPH..all smiles and kinda dancing a bit myself.
{ insert memories of self getting her groove on HERE ... uh,huh .. we have ALL had those moments }
Sophia comes out after class and very seriously looks at me and says " mom ... senior citizens don't dance here "
I stared at here for a second and realized that she was in fact talking about me.
I said " Sophie , I am not a senior citizen "
She kind of looked me over and said
" yeah .. but you are almost forty so that's close "
"Well... " I said " forty is the new twenty , you know "
She just kind of looked at me the same way I remember looking at my dad when I asked him how he EVER turned thirty ....
Ouch.
Forty ... me ? Yup .. there is no stopping that train now is there:)
But at least I can say I will be the cool mom who can crump it right along with her ...
forty or not :)

Awake

Go figure ... you have been asleep for hours and I am wide awake watching you :)
I sure do love you ..sweet dreams :) :)

Sometimes we spend what it seems our whole life searching for that one thing ... that one person who we just know or simply believe will make our life complete...
Sometimes we want it so badly that believing is all it takes to bring our dreams to life and to make them real. Because believing alone is half the battle.
But sometimes the battle never ends and those old demons never go away no matter how much you beg them to...No matter how many times you believe ...despite the new path you take each time...or how many times you ask ..
Nothing changes ...
Because it can't or they won't .
There are those who have simply not lost enough.. And there are those of us who have.
There is no in between ...there is no more next time ..
Sometimes the fantasy is so much better than the reality.. That is why they call it a fantasy after all..

Thankful....

For the little things ... Like Fridays, happy kids and the trees :)

Simple thoughts ...

Always be inspired everyday, by what surrounds you, how you feel, and who you love....Always make moments count. Make them real. Create memories and make them a part of you forever :)

Time Travelling

Dropping you guys off at Drama camp today was no different really than any other day this month. Only as I watched you all pile out of the car ... I realized for a second just how "grown up" you both are getting. So tall and your cute little faces are becoming so much more mature ... wow....

Time really does fly by ... and it's moments like these that make me want to catch my breath and stop it for a little while. To keep you small and take in those moments when you used to have to look up at me to ask me a question ... or get on your tippy toes to tell me a secret...
I love that you both are getting so big and I am so excited to see you grow and watch for what you become... but there is that part of me that wants to keep you small and hold you just like that forever :) I love you both very much and am so proud of you every day...
Love,
Momma

seriously ....

Dear Silas ,

I love all our close moments ... all 23 hours a day of them:)
I love your drool and sharp teeth. I want to eat your toes and squeeze
your cheeks all the time. I love your stories and wild roll overs and the
way you let all the cereal fall out of your mouth and somehow miss the bib every time :) You are so cute and kissable and I can not get enough of you..really I can't.
...But, do you think that just maybe we can get a little sleep tonight ?
Mommy is too old to only sleep 45 minutes a night ..and she is becoming
quite delirious now.
So please please .... Pretty please..just sleep :)
I love you lil' Mister :)

Goodnight
Love,
mommy

The best gifts are given without intention

Jakob is my gentle giant.
I don't think he has a true mean bone in his ever growing body.
Of course he will yell at his sister for going into his room or jumbling up his stuff... but aside from that it takes a lot for him to truly get mad. And when he does ... I always secretly see them as small independent victories for himself.
He is an honest and true sensitive soul. We see eye to eye literally .... but is still in my eyes that happy chubby baby I adored and encouraged and watched grow into this handsome tender child.... He amazes me endlessly :)

I wasn't sure how he would feel about Silas...
I was worried about his feelings about not being my "only" little boy anymore ..
I really worried about him having sensory issues with Silas crying a lot..or my being limited on the places we could go or having to shush him sometimes when he was too loud.
There were plenty of adjustments and learning curves...
But the love they have for one another already makes my heart sore sometimes.
Jake is so sensitive to Silas ... and silly too. He uses his own version of a baby voice and Silas just things it is the funniest thing he has ever heard.
It is so cute how Silas will call out to him and try so hard to get his attention... Jake can make him laugh by just smiling. And when Jakob laughs ... Silas laughs along with him.
I love it.
Today at lunch Silas was on my lap watching Jake and he got up to go into the kitchen. Silas immediately burst into tears ...crying his little heart out. When Jakob came back to the room Silas stopped crying and started cooing to him all breathlessly. I just thought that was the sweetest thing :)
Love you guys<3

Those Questions ...

Conversations with Sophia are always engaging and interesting ...
She often stumps me with her quest for knowledge and interest in just about anything.
Tonight while tucking her into bed and getting things set out for the morning She asked me one of those questions ..
"Mom?"
"Yes" I replied
" What IS a tampon" She asked
I looked over at her as she was casually reading her new issue of Tiger Beat Magazine.
{ the very same magazine I read as a tween... only I don't remember reading about tampons } So I explained as simply as I could ...
" oh " she said. " I learned about that on page 48"
She proceeds to flip to that page - titled my most embarrassing moment - and points to the cartoon drawing of a girl who accidentally stepped on a pad in the bathroom at school and did not realize it until she was in class.
Yup - Silence.
So it begins ...
Next question please !

The up all nights

Once upon a time ... I remember sleep.
A favorite past time..a longed for moment or hour that brought on a little rejuvenation to the mind, body and soul. I remember sleeping under the blankets with a pillow even. On my back..arms over my head and in my bed....ahhhhh memories...

Nights are long in these parts. Lots of crying , endless nursing and attempting to sleep sitting straight up is what I do best:) My little rock the night partner all nestled on the boppy..Arm casually over his face , snoring ever so softly with his long legs hanging off the end. All he wants most in this world at this moment is his momma..the boob and his polka dot blanket.
Content little Silas ... mommy loves you ... and hopes you learn to sleep just a little so that mommy can walk a little less crooked...have to use the corn bag a little less often and look a little more rested:)
I wish you sweet dreams ... even if they are only brief and on my lap..
I love you ,
Momma

a lot can change in a year

>So many things a buzz in these parts ...
My last log in was from June last year ... and oh how things have changed :)
Some good ..some iffy ...Some amazing and all full of mushy heart felt moments.
Wow ... where does time go ?
Silas is now 5 1/2 mo old ... and what a character he is growing into.
He is alert and trying very hard to find his designated spot in this family :)
With three older siblings he watches intently .. it is only a matter of time before he is chasing right after them. Then it will really get wild around here.
Until then we shall continue with very few naps...sleepless nights and a hate of the car ride anywhere.Learning to Sit and spit butternut squash across the table are like Olympic sporting events around here. Not to mention the game of lets see how much hair I can pull out of mommy's head .... that is my personal favorite :)
Everyday is an adventure. Everyday brings something new to learn and see for the first time.
Everyday I smile a little more....and every night I pray for at least three hours of uninterrupted sleepy time ... working on that.
Jakob is getting taller and smarter - not necessarily in that order. He is a wonder has the sweetest smile ever..The world is so much better with him in it
Sophia has turned into an incredible athlete and is just soo pretty. Her heart is sensitive ...with a diva flare... She really needs an agent - she is destined for stardom :)

So life is good right now ...just wishing for some true summer weather to make our adventures that much better. I am perfectly content with everyday being a Saturday....hanging with the kids and making memories of these moments is all I really need :)